yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
