I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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