Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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