So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
