Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
