Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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