FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
pop tarts are not kleenex
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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