so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
