does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
