i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Someone signed my nipple.
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