I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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