you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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