It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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