Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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