Please, let me fuck your mom
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize