did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
