i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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