um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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