My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
