i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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