im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
