I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
