so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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