he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
