I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
