I hate your face
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
