neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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