Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
