I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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