Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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