About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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