puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
