My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
