Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
