so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
