It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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