it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Mom said you looked used
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize