and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
