My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
