put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
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