I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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