I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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