I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
