I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
