you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
you made out with another girl for some wings
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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