the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Randomize
