I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
