Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
