Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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