We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize