we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize