I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
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