News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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