we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Randomize
