i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
