I could make wine with my vomit
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
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