i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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