I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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