Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize