please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
