Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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