If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
