I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
