I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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