she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
