I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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