if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
