I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
