ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
