You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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