It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
This toilet bowl is my home.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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