Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize