You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
