she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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