Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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