hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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