i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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