she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
