using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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