I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize