Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
